I know I have been away from here for a while and I am very sorry about that. There has been some craziness in my life. Later this week a post will be going up talking about something that happened and the effect it has had on me but for now I need to have a bit of a serious chat with you guys.
As some of you will know, I have some health problems and have for many years. It isn't something I talk about much because it is hard for me but I think it is time. I am also planning on putting out a video on this subject this week. The reason I am talking about this now is because I am having surgery on Thursday. This isn't my first surgery. It will actually be my 3rd in the past 4 years. Each previous surgery has offered hope of relief and answers but has failed to have that outcome. I am feeling hopeful about this time. Measures that are being taken this surgery are more drastic, but it's time and for the best.
Some of what I am going to be talking about next will most likely overlap with my video, but seeing as different people read my blog than watch my videos I thought it was important to include. This is also something very hard in my life and very personal so it would be appreciated that if you feel the urge to say anything negative you take a second to understand that.
This story starts December of my freshman year of high school. It was December 29th to be exact. I guess you never forget the day that changes everything. I woke up with a pain in my lower left side. I had previously had some blood work come back off so we knew there was a chance of there being cysts on my ovaries. The pain wasn't too severe so my parents and I decided to schedule an appointment with my doctor for about a week later. By New Years Eve the pain was so severe that I was curled up in a ball on the floor crying. We knew at this point we couldn't wait for my doctor. We spent all New Years Day in the Emergency Room. They did see some cysts but didn't feel it was the cause of the pain. They didn't know what the cause of the pain was. They sent me home with no answers. School was starting from winter break on 1/3. Over the few days since I had been at the ER the pain got worse and was unbearable. It was the worst pain I had ever had and could even imagine. Looking back now the pain level that I live with every day at this point makes that pain seem like nothing. That Monday morning I was in too much pain to go to school and my mom and I went back to the ER. The cysts had grown an incredible amount and there were 4 times as many. They told me to schedule an appointment with an Endocrinologist.
It took 3 weeks to get an appointment. I was unable to go to school in the mean time. I didn't know at the time I never would end up being able to go back to school. It came time for my appointment. They didn't know what was wrong, I was sent to another doctor. This has happened a lot. I see a doctor, they run a lot of tests, they say sorry and that they don't have any answers for me then they send me to someone else. Repeat. Again....and again....and again. I've lost count of how many doctors I have seen but I do know it is well over 10.
I had to finish high school online. I lost all of my friends because I wasn't in school. I was lonely, in severe pain every day and no one knew why. Emotionally that is very draining.
I don't mean for this whole story to come off so sad. I'm not a sad person. I am thankful for everything I have had in life, it is just that I've been through a lot.
In effort to save time and also because recalling so much of this in detail is quite upsetting to me I am going to skip forward.
It is 4 and a half years later. We still don't know what is causing all of the pain. I made it through high school on my own. I'm still fighting for my dreams. I'm always fighting to not let this overtake my entire life. I do live every day in pain. I do have limitations as much as I hate more than anything that I have to say that. I try to stay strong, I'm lucky to have a fantastic family around me to keep me strong.
On Thursday I am having surgery. They are supposed to be taking out my left ovary. We don't know if this will fix the pain. I have never hoped harder for anything in my life than for the pain to get better when they take it out. During my preop testing they also found a fibroid tumor on my uterus. They will be removing that during surgery as well. Apparently this could be causing some pain.
The reason I am talking about this all now is because I know I am not the only one going through chronic pain and health problems. Going through things like this can feel really lonely and like no one understands. If I can show one person that they aren't alone and that there are people that understand, this is worth it. Please don't think I did this for any stupid attention or sympathy. That is not ever what I want.
I am also posting this to explain why there will not be blog posts, covers or videos for a little while. I will be on social media a lot during this time since I'll be stuck home in bed so you can always reach me there.
Please never forget to be thankful for your health. You take it for granted until you don't have it anymore.
I hope you are all having a great weekend. I am. I got new makeup brushes today. Keeping a positive attitude is important and you can find good in any day. If I didn't do that, I would have nothing.
Thank you or reading. If you don't mind keeping me in your thoughts or sending healing vibes Thursday it would mean the world to me. Thanks.
Always keep smiling. Don't let anything take away your happiness.
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