2015 Favorites

We are almost a week into 2016 and it doesn't seem right to end out posts from 2015 without talking about my favorite products so, without any further ado, here are my top products of 2015!

Skincare:

Liz Earle Instant Boost Skin Tonic Spritzer

Clinique Moisture Surge Extended Thirst Relief

Olay Out Of This Swirled Deep Pore Clean Plus Exfoliating Scrub

Olay Professional Pro-X Advanced Cleansing System

Makeup:

Doucce Punk Volumizer Mascara 

Ulta Demi Matte Foundation

Laura Geller The Real Deal Concealer 

Laura Geller Bronze and Brighten Foundation

Clinique Quickliner for Eyes Intense 

Bodyography Eyebrow Trio and Brush 

Urban Decay Naked 3 Palette 

Hikari Lip Gloss in Merlot

Model Co Blush in Peach Bellini 

Tarte Park Avenue Princess Bronzer 

Rimmel Kate 107 Lipstick

There are so many more that I could keep this list going for days but I think that this is a good sampling of products that I was loving for the whole year. What were some of your 2015 favorites? Let me know in the comments and I would love to try them out! 

Clinique "Case Of The Pretties" Palette Review

Happy New Year! I hope 2016 is off to an amazing start for all of you. I could not be more excited about the year to come. This is going to be a very exciting year for me and for my content on this blog and everywhere else you can find me on the internet. I am excited to be starting out the 2016 posts on this blog with a review of a product that I absolutely love! I received the Clinique Case of the Pretties Palette as a birthday/Christmas gift and instantly fell in love. Clinique is one of my favorite brands for skincare and I have loved any makeup that I had tried from them in the past and this palette was no exception.

This palette includes 2 blushes, 7 eye shadows and 4 lip colors. It comes in a compact case with a large mirror that makes it perfect for travel.

As you can see, I have gotten a chance to use the products a few times already so that I can give a full, honest review of them.

All of the eyeshadows are incredibly pigmented. They are all creamy and have an amazing color payoff and almost no fallout. I also love that there are enough different colors that compliment each other that you can create multiple eye looks from this palette alone. (Swatches start from the top right corner of shadows and move to the left)

My personal favorite is the larger, highlight shade. It is a beautiful, warm tone, champagne color. It had a nice shimmer to it without being full of glitter. I think it could even work beautifully as a highlight for your cheekbones if you like a bright highlighter.

The palette also includes 4 lip colors. There is a completely matte, true red lipstick. Two more classic, glossy finish lipsticks in a beautiful deep nude color and a warm berry color. The final color is a sheer, shimmery nude that looks like a gloss on the lips. These are easiest to apply with a lip brush.

The final products in the palette are 2 cheek colors. Both colors fall into the mauve family. The top color is a much lighter color that leaves a beautiful flush of pink color on the cheeks and still looks very natural. The bottom color is darker and a perfect color for the winter. It is very pigmented so you need to make sure that you are using it lightly in order to get the most natural color.

Overall, I think this is one of the most impressive "multi purpose" palette that I own. You could take this on a trip with you and be totally set with eye shadow, lip color and blush. It is amazing to have a product where you have all of those options and all of them are amazing quality products.

The Clinique Case of the Pretties Palette was limited edition for the holidays but I highly recommend getting your hands on one if there is any way.

About Me - 2015

Hello everyone! This morning I was reading back through one of my favorite blogs and saw that they had done a post with questions and it got me thinking, how fun would it be to do one each year that I could look back on. I am starting with the same questions that the other blogger used, but may add in some more personal ones.

Do you have any siblings?

No, I am an only child.

How old are you?

Currently 19, but I turn 20 in 13 days

What’s your height?

5ft 11.5″. Always hoping to get to 6 ft.

Do you have any pets?

I do. I actually have 2 for the first time ever. Both are dogs. One is my dog Maddie. We have had her for 7 years and she is the brightest spot in my life. She is a Border Collie/Boxer mix and looks a lot like a Black Lab. There are tons of pictures of her on my Instagram. Earlier this year we adopted an 11 year old Havanese that belonged to a family friend that passed away. His name is Ozzie and he is so full of love. He has been a wonderful addition to our family and I can't imagine not having him. It is hard to get good pictures of Ozzie because he is very furry and black.

What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?

I love anything music related. I haven't been able to just sit around and play music for hours like I used to since I was injured in the car accident, but I enjoy doing what I can. If I can't play, I like to listen to music and find new undiscovered artists. Besides that I write a lot, watch YouTube videos and I have been really into decorating my day planner. I use my planner to keep track of EVERYTHING in my life and its fun to make it a little more decorative.

Who inspires you?

There are a lot of people that inspire me for many different reasons, far too many to list here so I will just name a few. Ed Sheeran because he is such an amazing musician and overall human being. Charles Trippy because his strength and optimism help me get through my hardest days. My mom because she has never let her health problem keep her from doing anything. My dad because it's okay to still find childlike joy in everyday life. Taylor Swift because she isn't afraid to write beautiful music about her emotions even though some people tell her she shouldn't. Honestly, there are so many more but I don't want to ramble on for too long.

What do you feel is your greatest achievment?

Either opening for Little Mix or performing at VidCon.

What do you value most in life?

My friends and family.

What do you do?

A few things! I am a singer. I also do freelance web and graphic design. I am a writer and last but not least I am a blogger and YouTuber.

What is your dream job?

My dream job is being a singer at a level that allows me to comfortably support myself and my family.

Did you make good grades?

As shocking as it might be, I actually did.

What is your ethnicity?

I am 50% Irish from my mom's side and 50% mix of almost everything from my dad's/

Do you want to get married later on in life?

If I find the right person and feel like that is the right call for us? Sure! I have never been the kind of girl that dreams about growing up and finding her prince to marry, but I am not opposed to getting married. However, I am certainly more career driven than relationship driven, but I have been that way my whole life.

Do you have any phobias?

Lots, unfortunately. There are normal ones like spiders, snakes, ect. Then there are less normal ones. I am terrified of large bodies of water. I won't go in pools and anything like the ocean is certainly out of the question. Then there are the life fears which are things such as mediocrity, never accomplishing my goals, leaving the world without making any impact. Deep stuff like that. Fun fact: I also used to be deathly afraid of dogs. Right now there is an 80 pound dog asleep on my legs, on my bed. Guess I got over that.

Have you ever had a near death experience?

I have. There was one when I was really little that I have no memory of and then there is also the car accident that my dad and I were in earlier this year. We are both extremely lucky to be alive.

Do you get mad easily?

Not at all. It takes a lot to get me mad. Someone has to do something really awful or hit one of my very sensitive nerves for me to actually get mad.

Where have you been on holiday & where was the best?

I have been lucky enough to travel quite a bit for someone my age. I've been to lots of places in the US. Some of my favorites have been Nashville, Los Angeles and Philadelphia. I can't wait to go more places. I am looking forward to going back to New York City sometime soon as well!

Favourite childhood memory?

Wow, this is a hard question. There are a lot that it could be. Some of my favorite memories are going to concerts with my parents. Music is something so important to me and it is fun thinking back to the early times.

Beauty/Shopping…

Heels or flats?

I like the look of heels, but they just aren't functional for me. Flats.

Favourite moisturiser?

Clinique Moisture Surge

Where do you buy most of your clothes from?

My favorite is Torrid. I also get a lot from Forever 21

Favourite Shop?

I love Barnes and Noble. I also love TJ Maxx. I love both because they are fun to browse in.

Favourite makeup brand?

Urban Decay and Mac

Favourite drugstore makeup brand?

I'd have to say the Ulta store brand because it is priced the same as drugstore and it is AMAZING.

Favourite nail polish brand?

NCLA and OPI

What was your first makeup item?

A clear, roll on, cherry lip gloss from a flea market.

If you had your own makeup line what would you call it?

I have no idea. Probably something with a name revolving around lovefromkelsey, but I honestly don't know.

What are you into the most, if you HAD to choose one..Jewellery, Makeup, Shoes, Clothes?

Makeup, but clothes are a close second at this point.

At what age did you start wearing makeup?

I started properly wearing makeup at around 15.

Do you wear falsies? If so which brand?

I don't. I honestly can not stand having them on.

Lipgloss or mascara?

Mascara

Whats your worst shopping habit?

Being too frugal and not buying something I either need or really love.

Do you have a signature scent?

Wonderstruck by Taylor Swift or Fame by Lady Gaga

How do you take care of your hair?

I deep condition it a lot. I also always use heat protectant and like to use restoring oils.

Whats the colour of your natural hair & highlights?

Most of my hair is it's natural color and the bottom is just lightened with bleach so there is not specific color.

What are your views on plastic surgery?

It isn't for me, but I think if a person is doing it for the right reasons and it makes them happy, there is no problem with it. It isn't my job to judge others.

If makeup somehow wasn’t invented what would you replace it with?

I've always loved fashion, so I probably would have just ended up more involved with that.

Do you bite your nails?

Not much, but I do pick at my nails which leaves them looking the same as biting them. It is an anxious habit.

If you could know the date you were going to die, would you want to know?

No. I just want to live my life to the fullest and not be worrying about an "expiration date."

If you only had 24 hours to live how would you spend it?

At Walt Disney World with all of my loved ones.

Do you have a favourite book?

I love the Harry Potter series and also the Pretty Little Liars series. I have read all of them multiple times.

What is your favourite type of sandwhich?

I love a good roast beef sandwich.

What is your favourite reality tv show?

Keeping up with the Kardashians is a guilty pleasure of mine. I used to watch all of the singing shows as well but have stopped as I got older.

What wesbite do you visit the most besides youtube, blogger & facebook?

disboards.com. I am a complete Disney addict.

How do you make your blog interesting?

I honestly am not sure that I do. I just write about what is on my mind.

Do you like photography?

I love photography but I love videography even more.

Do you like stationary?

I LOVE stationary. I have far too much.

What is your favourite disney film?

Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast or Lilo and Stitch. I can't pick one.

Whats your favourite desert?

Sahara.

Do you like swimming?

No. I'm afraid of water.

Do you drink juice?

Not really, I drink mostly water, seltzer or iced tea.

What’s your favourite movie?

Mean Girls or Elf.

Do you eat fries with a fork?

Not typically

Do you like cookies?

Yes I do. Especially if I baked them.

If you could move anywhere, where would it be?

Nashville. I have loved Nashville since I was young. Or LA simply for the career opportunities because the traffic is horrible.

Savoury or sweet?

Savory

Favourite flower?

Antique Hydrangea

Favourite colour?

Turquoise

Do you drink energy drinks?

No, they terrify me. I don't want my heart to shut down from too much caffeine at once.

Do you drink coffee?

Yes, I like coffee a lot.

If you could have a dinner party with 5 celebrities, dead or alive, who would you invite?

Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran, Demi Lovato, Charles Trippy, Troye Sivan. And then I would probably pass out from meeting so many people I look up to.

All Time Favorite Musical Album?

Red by Taylor Swift and + by Ed Sheeran

I think that is going to be it for this About Me 2015 Tag. If you have any other questions you think I should answer so that I can look back on them each year, please let me know in the comments. Also, if you do something similar, tweet me a link! I would love to see it.

Winter Lip Products

It is finally December and you know what that means? Winter is here! One of my favorite parts of Winter is getting to change up the colors that I use in my makeup. To me, Winter means lots of rich, deeper colors and there is no place that I think works better for those colors than lips. Today I wanted to share some of my favorite Winter lip products with you!

Hikari Cosmetics Lip Gloss in Merlot

This is a beautiful, high pigment lip color. It is in a rich purple/red color. It isn't too sticky and it lasts well. I find it looks best layered over a similar color lip liner to create a bold lip.

ULTA Matte Lip Cream in Stirring 

I love using matte liquid lipsticks, especially during busy times like the holidays. This one is incredibly long lasting and doesn't loose any of it's color. It would be perfect for a holiday party or any occasion like that. It is a very deep red color that has plum undertones. Also at $9 it is a steal! 

NYX Liquid Suede Cream Lipstick in Sandstorm

If you are not as bug of a fan of intense red or berry lips, a darker nude color can be perfect. It still gives you a really rich lip color while allowing you to do a more dramatic eye look because it isn't as dramatic. 

Rimmel Lasting Finish by Kate Moss Lipstick in 107

Why yes, I do blame Zoe Sugg for this lipstick. I bought it ages ago because she was talking about it and it has become not just one of my favorite winter lip colors but one of my all time favorite lip colors. It is matte without being too drying and it is very long lasting. I love red lips but am not a fan of the bright red or orange red colors. I much prefer berry reds or slightly brown toned reds and this is perfect for that. It is also a huge bargain at under $5. 

Maybelline Superstay Lipcolor in Always Blazing

This one isn't matte. Bet you didn't see that coming. It's no secret that I love a good matte lip color. I typically lean towards matte colors because they are longer lasting. However, I have found a glossy color with amazing stay power. Now, I wouldn't get carried away and say it lasts 24 hours like the package says, but it lasts a lot longer than most. I also love that there is a conditioning balm built in. The color Always Blazing also is a very true bright red if you like those colors more than the deeper red colors that I love so much.

Those are 5 of my favorite Winter/Holiday lip colors. I would love to know what some of your favorites are so make sure to leave a comment or tweet me because I am always looking for new ones to try! 

Your Self Worth is Not Numbers | Social Media

There has been a lot in the news in the last week about an Instagram personality, Essena O'Neil that has started a movement that "Social Media is not real life." I read her blog and watched her video and I would like to share my thoughts on the topic. I had this conversation with a good friend of mine who is also extremely involved in social media and we had similar thoughts.

Essena talks at length in one specific post about what drove her to social media. She wanted what an older girl at her school had. She saw this girl that she idolized and she wanted attention, flattery and everything that came with that. Because of that, Essena worked hard to create a situation that wasn't reality. She talks about obsessively refreshing her page looking for the likes to go up. She talks about the money she was paid to promote products. What she doesn't talk about is a love for creating, or a drive to make content.

I spend a large portion of my time on various social media platforms. I work as a social media consultant for companies. I am a YouTuber and blogger. I connect with my friends through social media in my spare time. It is safe to say that I love social media, but let's back up to the beginning.

My parents held back social media from me for a long time. The only reason I was allowed to finally get a Facebook account is because my parents were sick of me begging to let me on their account so I could play Hedgehog Launch. Who I was friends with was approved by my parents. They saw everything I did on social media. They still do. I am 19 years old and my parents know of and can see any of my accounts at any time. I figure if it is something I wouldn't want my parents seeing, it doesn't belong on the internet for the world to see.

I started my YouTube channel 7 and a half years ago. My parents didn't know about it at the time. It wasn't that I was hiding it, they just didn't know what it was. I don't remember ever telling them about it, they just knew. I probably showed them a video and tried to explain it. Here is where I say the most cliche YouTuber thing ever, there was not even a way to make money on YouTube when I started.

I started making singing videos so I could send them to Ellen. Yes, that Ellen. I had seen Taylor Swift on her show and I wanted her to show Taylor my video. I loved Taylor then and that is something that hasn't changed to this day. One thing that has changed is the platform of YouTube.

We now have celebrities. I remember telling my friends about this "Tyler guy I've been watching online," and them thinking that was the dumbest thing ever. Okay, tell that to Tyler Oakley's Teen Choice Award.

I continued making videos for years. It wasn't until just over 2 years ago that I was even able to make money off of my videos. I made videos for 5 years 100% because I loved it.

I also never had a lot of subscribers. I have a wonderful community of caring, amazing people who support my music and videos which is all I could ever ask for. I have people that stop me at conventions because certain videos of mine have touched their life.

I started making videos because I loved it. I continue making videos because I love it. That's it.

I have had peers at social media conventions ask me why I haven't stopped making videos since my "viewership isn't high." One asked me what the point was. The point is that social media is a passion first, a job second.

I have never once equated my self worth to a number on a screen. Does it feel amazing when a lot of people watch and enjoy something I put out? Of course it does! Am I devastated when a video doesn't hit well? I can honestly say no.

There are problems with social media. I don't have blinders on. There are awful people that spread horrible hate. I delete it and hope that they are able to find happiness within themselves, because that is the real reason they are lashing out at me.

I think the biggest problem with social media are people like Essena that go into for the numbers. That is like becoming a doctor for the money. If you aren't doing it to help patients, at some point you are going to burn out. They say if you love what you do, you never work a day in your life. Well, I LOVE what I do and what I do happens to be social media.

No one likes a selfie I put on Instagram? Who cares, I was still killing it that day.

No new Tumblr followers for a week? Oh well, I reblogged a bunch of dogs that made me happy.

10% of my normal views on my newest cover? Big deal. I hit a high note that I worked on for a month and a half.

I could go on and on. Social media is a hobby and an amazing way to connect with people all over the world. Some of us have been lucky to get opportunities or jobs out of it. That was a happy accident for most of us.

"'Without realising, I've spent majority of my teenage life being addicted to social media, social approval, social status and my physical appearance. Social media, especially how I used it, isn't real,'"

This right here is where the problem is. This is what Essena equated social media with. Not self expression, not the freedom to create in a public space, not community. She equated it with numbers, physical looks, approval from complete strangers and money. This is what make it a toxic, unreal environment for her.

Social media is only fake if you are. When I post a video of me singing, that is my real, unedited voice. The only part that is "fake" is the lighting, because I normally film at night and people want to see your face in a video. When I post a photo on Instagram, it isn't edited to a point where it isn't recognizable. I add a few basic effects to make a generally shaky picture I took on my phone seem like I know what I am doing, but it's still me.

You get out what you put in. I put my real genuine self into social media, so that's what I get from others. I don't equate numbers to happiness, so I stay happy when the numbers aren't good. I'm not going to lie to you and say I never check my numbers, because we all do, but I check, give it a quick "Oh this video is doing (worse/better) than normal, hmm," and then I move on.

I know lots of people have lots of thoughts on social media and I would love to hear some of your thoughts in the comments. I typically stay out of "hot" topics, but as someone who has spent most of the last 8 years on social media and has made it a job, I had a lot to say about this specific one. This was in no way said to bash Essena. I 100% believe she made the healthy choice for her, I just don't think that all of us approach social media in the way she did.

Don't Take It For Granted | Health Updates

Hello everyone! I want to thank you all for the incredible feedback and love on my last post. If you haven't read it yet, this is it. It was a post on losing yourself and it was really important for me and a very therapeutic process to write it. Today I am back with another semi-serious post. A few months ago I talked about my long struggle with my health. I told you all about the history of what I had gone through and took you through the process of my most recent surgery. I never gave you all a final update on that surgery. Sadly, it wasn't successful.

As I talked about then, (which you can see in this post, this post and this post) they removed my left ovary, appendix and a massive amount of endometriosis. They also found a fibroid tumor that they didn't remove as it would have been a very long, very painful surgery to recover from. On top of that, I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and Hashimoto's, both of which you can look up if you want to learn more about them. There are also still unknown problems. My greatest problem is excruciating, chronic pain. It is something I deal with all day, every single day.

My doctors are at a bit of a place of not knowing exactly what to do to help. This is what landed me at a pain management doctor. I fought this for as long as I could because I didn't want to have to feel that my only hope was to manage the pain, but not fix it. The doctor suggested nerve block injections under sedation. It was the last thing in the world that I wanted to do. It involves 10 inch needles being put into my back and threaded through to the front to inject medicine that helps block the nerve that sends pain signals to the brain. I was told upfront that there was a chance it wouldn't work.

I took a month to think about it. In that month my pain got worse and worse. It is not an exaggeration to say that it was common for me not to leave my house for days. On the days I did leave it wasn't for long and almost always ended with me coming home crying in pain or coming frighteningly close to passing out from pain level. I knew I couldn't keep living this way, so I decided to agree to the injections.

It was scheduled bright and early for Friday, November 6th at a surgery center in my town. I was terrified. Unlike surgery, this wasn't something I knew what to expect for. I had done a lot of research and had found that for most people with cases and pain like mine, the injections hadn't helped at all. I strongly considered calling to cancel the day before but I knew that if by some chance this was the magic thing that would help control my pain, and I skipped it, I wouldn't be able to deal with it, so I went.

In the 24 hours before the procedure I had more anxiety attacks than I ever have. I have severe anxiety to begin with and it was so trigger by the fear of the procedure and the fear of it not working that I wasn't able to manage it. My parents helped me manage, but it was a rough day.

The next morning after less than 3 hours of sleep, I was off to the surgery center. My dad was working so it was just my mom and I. It was less than a 5 minute ride to the center. When we parked the car my anxiety hit again. "I'm not going in." I must have said that 10 times. It was always my choice if I wanted to have them done, but I felt like I didn't really have a choice. That was my doctors suggested next step and no one else had anything else to offer.

I finally went inside. I knew I had to. I checked in and then sat in the waiting room. They called my name and it was time to go back. They told me my mom couldn't come back with me. Now, I am normally a pretty chill person but I came very close to tears and told them that if she wasn't going back, I wasn't either. After a minute, they let us both come back. They did all of the preop stuff and I did my best to stay calm. The nurse was from California and was a Disney fan so that helped. She was really nice and kept talking to me about Disney to keep me calm.

There was a pretty long wait. Lots of people came in to talk to me and then it was time to go in. They brought me into the procedure room and had me switch to the table and lay face down. By this point I was crying and having an anxiety attack. I kept trying to tell someone but every time I moved my head to tell them, they told me not to move. I was supposed to be asleep for the procedure. I don't remember this part, but the doctor told my mom. They gave me the medicine to sedate me and I began thrashing around. I almost fell off of the table. They thought I was in danger so they backed off the sedation. I was then awake. I felt them put in the local anesthetic. They then kept pushing Fentanyl but I was wide awake.

No one ever bothered to tell me what was going on or to explain why I was awake and could feel everything they were doing. I kept crying. They kept telling me not to move. Then it was over and they had me roll back onto the other bed so they could wheel me out. They gave me a bottle of water and some crackers and told me that my doctor would be here soon. My abdominal pain was still as bad but I was hoping it could take a few days to kick in. After about 20 minutes my doctor came in. She asked me if the pain felt any different. I said it didn't and asked if it should feel different already. She told me yes, but that it could take up to an hour. They brought my mom in and told me I could go home. I went home and had to accept that it didn't work. Again. I gave it another hour. It still didn't work.

Fast forward 2 days and here I am writing this. Unfortunately I now know for sure that it didn't work. It made my back hurt a lot and I am still recovering from that, but it should go away soon. I'm sad, but I am not giving up. I am planning on setting up a doctors appointment to talk about more drastic steps that we could take, including a hysterectomy. I am at a point where I really want my life back, even if that means a big step like that.

Do I wish it had worked? Yes. Do I still have hope that someday, something will? Yes. In medicine it is never over, I just have to wait until we find the right thing.

Losing Yourself

For a few months now I have felt like I lost my inspiration. This has hit me especially hard in regards to my music. The unstoppable drive that I have always had just has seemed to be lacking. I truly am not one for self pity. I gloss over traumatic things that happen to me and pretend that everything is completely fine but the truth of it is, the last few months have been excruciatingly hard.  In giving myself a moment to acknowledge this I have realized that the issue isn't that I have lost my inspiration, I have lost a piece of myself. And that's okay. 

I am a firm believer that you have to let pieces of yourself go to make room for new ones. Sometimes pieces are yanked from you. It can be from anything like losing the ability to play an instrument in a car accident to losing a family member. All of these things shape you into the person that you are supposed to be. We, as humans, are never finished. We are a constantly evolving mashup of every event and influence in our lives. 

So yes, I lost a piece of myself, but I also found a new one. I lost my job, I ended up writing a book that is going to really help people. I grew apart from friends, I found other that understand and support my passions. I stopped playing guitar, I found my love for production. I lost a family member, I grew closer with others. 

Those things don't make the bad things go away, but they make them easier to accept. Behind every seemingly horrific event is the strength that is going to pick you up and pull you through. The last few months have been hard. The next few months will be better. 

I spent some time this week turning the fact that I haven't felt well enough to get out of bed into a positive. I watched marathons of interviews of the people that inspire me. I spent sleepless nights finding new undiscovered artists that reignited a love for music that had dulled. I am reinspired in a way that I previously could have only dreamed of. 

Obstacles are always going to be here. Bad times will always find away to break apart my happy reality. But I will know that as broken as I feel and as many pieces as my heart is in, that it will be put back together with a force that is to be reckoned with and the person that I will be on the other side will be a strong person with a new outlook on everything in my life. 

Inspiration is like a flame. It is going to flicker. There will be things that come along that make it so big that it becomes scary. It may even go out. The thing to remember is that there are lighters everywhere. Your lighter could be someone you love. It could be a piece of art that speaks to you. 

Things don't last forever, good or bad. I am not the same person that I was a year ago and that is okay. I won't be the same person I am now in a year and that is okay. If I ever look back on a year and think "wow, I am exactly the same as I was then," that is when I will start to worry. 

I am sorry if this makes no sense to some people, I have just had a lot of thoughts in my head for a while and it boiled over tonight. I was inspired to write again.