Wanting to Run Away || Thoughts #1

I was sitting here in my bedroom with a million things racing through my head and I thought maybe I would start a new thing where I kind of just talk about what I am feeling and we see how that goes so here it is.

As you probably know, I went to Nashville to audition for the Voice. This was the second time I had auditioned and I was feeling really good about it. Well.....they turned me down. Again. I was pretty crushed. I know in my head that they are casting a TV show and that the reason that I was turned down isn't because I am not talented. But none the less, it is still very discouraging and kind of crushing for the time being.

I came home yesterday distraught over my future. I don't have a next step where as most people my age do, and my last step was a "failure." I found myself thinking that I wanted to run away, move out, something. I didn't know why but I felt like running. It felt like the walls were closing in around me and I didn't know how to deal with it.

After a night of panic and research I decided to continue my schooling. I am taking 5 or six new classes online that I am starting on Monday and then come September, I am starting college near where I live. Because of my health problems, I can't go off to college in the fall like most people my age.

I am much more focused on my career than most people that are 18 because I have been working towards it for about 10 years. I consider myself lucky that I know what I want to do and that it is something that I am good at, but that doesn't make it any easier when you get turned down, even though rejection is such a big part of the business.

I decided that I am going to throw myself into YouTube and blogging for a while. Since I have the privilege of being a partner I figure that I should work on that as hard as I can. I am doing more than music now, branching out into beauty and fashion videos as well as vlogging. My goal is to put out a video every other day and a blog post every day. That doesn't mean that I always will be able to do that, but I am going to try my hardest. Considering I am taking a full course load and working, I think that it going to be a lot, but I do my best with a full schedule.

Sorry for the rambling but I had a lot on my mind today and felt like sharing it. Have you ever felt like this? If so how did you combat it? I could use any tips you have.

Hope you are feeling good today, thanks for reading!